Entitlement

Sometimes I just need to be put in my place. To be humbled.

This morning I sat in the recliner while Abbey was asleep on the bed and Harper was asleep in my arms, and I was thinking about the past couple days. Harper and Abbey are really good babies. They are almost always happy unless tired or hungry. But the past couple days have been a little rough. They have been waking up congested which obviously makes it hard for them to sleep and Harper has been super fussy. I’m a first time mom and this is the first time my babies are sick, or just congested, or maybe sick. I just don’t know how to tell if they are just congested or if they are sick, but either way it just breaks my heart. Anyway, I’m not saying this to complain I know I am incredibly blessed with two happy healthy babies I’m just setting the scene for how God spoke to me this morning. Remember how I mentioned I skip back and forth reading a few different books and devotionals. It truly blows my minds how it’s always what I need to hear. Today I was reading “Out of the Spin Cycle” by Jen Hatmaker. And she says, speaking about motherhood,

“We are not doing our husbands and children a favor. We are intentional servants consciously deferring to the needs of those God has entrusted to us. We make the near constant decision to cast off selfishness and resist entitlement.”

RESIST ENTITLEMENT.

ENTITLEMENT

God has been putting this word on my heart for a while now.

en·ti·tle·ment
enˈtītlmənt/

noun: entitlement; plural noun: entitlements

1.the fact of having a right to something.

That’s googles definition, in my definition I would add…

2. Feeling like you deserve something.

3. Not being truly grateful for something because you feel you deserved it, or you feel someone owed it to you.

This is an area where I truly struggle.

It’s so easy to fall into the “poor me” mindset. Or the “you owe me because I have changed 27 diapers today,” or the “aren’t you going to thank me and tell me how great I am for making dinner” or “you owe me because I did all the wake ups and feedings last night,” I could go on and on. I truly think that satan puts these thoughts in our heads to rob us from the joy and contentment that can come from the daily events of motherhood.

Is motherhood hard?
Heck yes it is.

But is it amazing?
Heck yes times a zillion.

We have the choice to become entitled if we don’t get the appreciation we think we deserve or we can choose to find joy in the mundane.

What does this look like in real life?
When I find myself starting to think thoughts like “I changed the last 8 diapers my husband should be changing this one,” I try and stop and change my way of thinking and thank God that he gave me this baby and that she’s healthy enough to be home and to make 8+ dirty diapers a day and that we have amazing aunts and uncles who decided to take turns buying us diapers and that we have this beautiful nursery in this wonderful home that God has provided us with and so on.

Thoughts snowball. Either for good or bad. It’s so easy once you think a thought of entitlement to slip down a slippery slope of a million things you think you deserve. Or you can change your thoughts to worship and thank God for what he’s given you and that will snowball.

It’s hard and like Jen said, it has to be a ‘near constant decision to resist entitlement.’ Every tough situation, every dirty diaper, every spit up, every cry, we have the decision to thank God or get entitled. It’s going to be tough but I’m going to try and always choose thanking God.

An added bonus that comes with this is that when someone does something nice for you, if you are out from behind the cloud of entitlement, you are truly grateful and appreciative. Like yesterday for example I had been doing everything I could possibly think of to get Harper to stop crying for over an hour and then my husband came and took her and told me to go take a nap with Abbey. What an amazing blessing. And without entitlement crowding my mind I was able to be truly appreciative of my amazing husband.

What a cool way to think. If you aren’t thinking people owe you or you deserve something then everything is a gift. How great is that!!

I challenge you to try and catch your self when you start to think an entitled thought, and change it to a thought of praise.

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Pregnancy story

The main reason I’m writing this is because I never want to forget a single detail of my pregnancy.

The Discovery
I found out I was pregnant on March 6th 2013. It was a Wednesday evening I had just gotten home from coaching cheer practice and made dinner. After dinner I convinced Taylor that we should go get a pregnancy test, or actually like 5 pregnancy tests. We rushed home and the 20 minute drive seemed to take an eternity. I took the first test, it was the kind that if it showed one line you weren’t pregnant and if it showed two lines you were pregnant. The packaging said it will take three minutes. It was more like 3 seconds. And BAM two lines.
Test number 2…3 seconds go by and BAM two lines
Test number 3…3 seconds go by and BAM two lines

Ar this point we were convinced. We looked at each other and just smiled and kissed and held each other for a minute. Then we started jumping around and dancing with joy and excitement. And then Taylor started singing every country song that talks about having a baby. There are not really words to describe the feeling we had. But here’s my attempt: surprise shock,joy, nervous in love, scared, happy, excited.
It’s been almost a year since that night and I still remember the exact feeling.

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The Reveal
We wanted to tell our family all together. Because of difficult schedules we had to wait two weeks to tell them. Holy moly guacamole. You may not know this about me but I am about the worst secret keeper on the face of the planet. Those two weeks were crazy hard. Anyway, one of my art students is an amazing photographer so we decided we wanted to have our photos done and that’s how we would reveal to our family we were pregnant. I am forever thankful for these photos. Thank you Amanda Christine Photography.

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So one night once my whole family could be together, we told them that one of my students had taken photos of us and we wanted to show them. We played those photos as a slideshow on the tv. Once the last picture came on the screen my mom and two sisters in perfect unison looked at me, screamed, then jumped up off the couch and tackled me. Then my family, mom, dad, sisters, brother in law, nephew and nieces all caravaned down to my mother in laws house and played the slide show for her. It was a wonderful night, full of insane amounts of joy. I scheduled my first dr apt for when I was 9 weeks and we decided to wait to tell everyone until after my dr apt.

First Doctor’s Appointment
Taylor and I arrive and are called back to the ultrasound room. I lay on the table and Taylor sits in the chair across the tiny room. We were so excited to see the first glimpse of our little baby. The tech asked us a few questions and lathered my belly with that gross jelly stuff. Honestly I don’t remember anything she said because I was just so excited to see the baby on the screen. She put the monitor up to my belly for a second and then took it off. She looked at Taylor and said “you should move your chair over so you can hold her” this made a million thoughts run through my mind, was something wrong? He moved and then she put the monitor back on my belly and pointed to the screen and said “look, there’s two… Your having twins!” My response was something like “hahahaha… What? Wait, what?” We looked at the screen and she showed us what looked like two Lima beans with teeny tiny little beating hearts.

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Taylor and I could not stop looking each other and giggling. We were like two kids in middle school when I teacher says poop. Haha. For the rest of the appointment about every two minutes we would look at each other and just giggle. It was almost as though we didn’t know what else to do. Our whole world had just been rocked and we were so excited and shocked. And then we started looking at each other and saying things like “oh that means two car seats” giggle giggle… “Oh that means two high chairs” giggle giggle.

Boys or Girls
At that first dr appointment they were able to tell us that our twins were identical because they share a placenta. Because I was pregnant with identical twins I was considered a ‘high risk pregnancy’ this meant I had to go to the perinataligist every two weeks. Which if you know me, was like telling me I had to eat dog poop. Haha bad analogy but my point is I hate going to the dr. Before I was pregnant I think I had been to the dr once in the last ten years. Anyways it turned out that I loved having to go every two weeks because that meant we got to see our babies up on the screen every two weeks and that Taylor and I would get to go on day dates every two weeks after our appointments. At our 14 week appointment we asked if she could tell if they were boys or girls. She said she was about 70% sure that twin A was a boy and twin B was a girl. After she left Taylor and I looked at each other very confused because the twins are identical so how could she say one was a boy and one was a girl. So we just assumed that they were both boys for the next two weeks til our next appointment. This time I was 16 weeks and we asked if she could tell if they were boys or girls. Both Taylor and I had convinced ourselves they were boys, but she showed us on the screen that they were definitely girls. That was a fun surprise! We planned a gender reveal party to take place two weeks later. (Why did I torture my self with having to keep so many secrets) Anyway we invited family and close friends to come over and wear pink if they thought they were girls and blue if they thought they were boys. We played silly games and ate tastey food.

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And revealed we were having girls!

The Research
Once all the craziness settled down I began to do my research. I learned that most twin pregnancies don’t make it past 35 weeks. And that you need to eat a lot more calories, (which was awesome) and that you have to take more vitamins because your growing two babies instead of one. I did endless amounts of reading. I’m the kind of person that has fear of the unknown. I like to know everything a possibly can about something that way I know what to expect. But that’s not really possible with pregnancy, especially twin pregnancy. Everyone’s experience is so different, there really is no way to know what to expect. So I just had to trust God that everything would be fine.

The Rest
The first trimester certain smells made me really nauseas and every day at 11am I was nauseas. But I was incredibly blessed I never really had morning sickness. I was teaching and coaching but every Saturday I was so exhausted I pretty much stayed in bed all day. By the second trimester I was feeling pretty good again. But by the third trimester, we had moved to Texas in the summer heat, and I was huge and uncomfortable. But I was determined to defy the statistics of a “typical” twin pregnancy. My goal was to make it atleast 36 weeks and to vaginally deliver two happy healthy babies who didn’t have to go to the NICU. According to the research I had done this was a lofty goal. But I prayed like crazy that it would be Gods will for me to reach these goals. And what an amazing God we serve. At 38 weeks, I vaginally delivered two happy healthy babies who never had to leave my side. I am so insanely grateful. And I know I am truly blessed that everything went so smoothly.

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Soon I will write the twins birth story, I promise.

Sorry this is a little lonnnngg. Like I said I just want to have this written down so I remember it all and maybe one day I can read it to my girls.

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23

“For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him…” Matthew 12:34

Just a quick post of what God put on my heart today.

I read a few different devotionals, I just switch back an forth between them each day. And it always seems to be what I need to hear.

Today’s topic was about how being in the word and prayer can help handle the daily challenges that come with being a mom.

I have noticed a trend, each day that I wake up and spend time in the Word and in prayer, the days seems a little better than the days that I don’t take time to spend with The Lord. No don’t misunderstand me. The day itself might not be a better day. It could be extra full of exploding diapers, insane amounts of spit up, or even extremely fussy babies. However, I find that if I take that time in the morning God gives me the patience and the strength to handle getting spit up on for the 6th time, or to rock that sweet baby that has been crying for an hour, and do it joyfully realizing even though it may be difficult, God has blessed me with two healthy beautiful baby girls. There is something about surrendering your day to The Lord each morning that brings an indescribable peace and makes you focus on your blessings, instead of focusing on your hardships.

So like I mentioned yesterday, one of my resolutions being to focus more on my blessings and less on my hardships The Lord is faithful and today showed how to help me do that. So adding on to that resolution I want to try and spend time each morning surrendering my day to The Lord.

Twins first New Years

This year it just so happens that my husband works pretty much every holiday. He worked Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years Eve, and he has to work Valentines Day. Normally this would make me so upset that he has to miss out on all these special days but I am just so grateful for his wonderful job that he loves so much, that it hasn’t bothered me. I have been learning that God gives is many blessings and you can choose to focus on the blessings or choose to focus on the hardships. That’s one of my resolutions for 2014 is to focus on the blessings not get distracted by the hardships, that sometimes come with blessings. Last year I read “Battlefield of the Mind” by Joyce Meyer and if you struggle with getting distracted by hardships or finding yourself focusing on the negative it is a great book and I recommend you read it. Anyways, it also helps that I have a wonderful family that adjusts so we could celebrate Thanksgiving the day after and Christmas the day before so my husband could be with us, and my parents came up and spent New Years Eve with me. I can never thank them enough for all they do for us.

New Year’s Eve:
So the twins first New Years Eve was a quiet night spent at home with their momma, nana and grampa. They went to sleep around 8:30 and woke up at 11:50pm just in time for me to watch the ball drop while they nursed. Perfect timing my sweet girls.

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Harper wasn’t impressed with the ball drop.

New Year’s Day:
Taylor got home from work at about 9am we spent a little while chatting with my parents and then they left. Then we decided to head down to Austin. I got a BOB double jogger for Christmas so we wanted to try it out. So we packed up the family and headed to whole foods picked up lunch and brought it to Zilker park for a picnic.

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Then we went for a lovely walk around Zilker park and by Lady Bird Lake.

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The sweet babies slept almost the entire time. But while they were awake they loved looking around.

I don’t think I will ever get used to the stares you get when you have twins. Or all the comments and questions. I feel like broken record.
Yes, they are twins.
Yes, they are both girls.
Yes, they are identical.
Yes, it was quite the surprise.
No, identical twins don’t run in our family.
Yes, we have our hands full.

It doesn’t really bother me I just think it’s so interesting how everyone has to say something.

That was a little side track.

Anyways, we had a lovely quiet New Years. I hope you had a great one.

Happy New Years!